About Us

We are jolly, unlike Van Johnson.  All we do is hate on Van Johnson. Here's a couple reasons why:

1. He's not jolly and I don't like him

2. I'm scared that he's going to eat the cookies I left out for santa

3. He plays so much Dead by Winter to the point he would actually die if he went outside during the wintertime

4. He literally only plays competitive games with the other elves

5. He's not jolly

6. He doesn't like gift giving?!?!11?!? Like wtf??!??/1/!1??!?! Says it's because "it takes too long to build the gifts" (actual genuine skill issue)

7. He spent 59 hours on the Ghost of Christmas Past just to beat it on the hardest difficulty for no reason

8. He has a red nose like Rudolph (I don't like that guy)

9. He's chopped eggnog

10. Spent 250 smackaroos on Ghost of Christmas Present's collector edition for no reason

11. His nipples are like giant snow pyramids

12. He GLAZES modern Eminem

13. Showed me a Darth Vader EDM song that he listens to

14. He's really just not in that christmas spirit

15. Listens to the DOOM OST and is proud about it, he put it in a "all about me" presentation that he did during show and tell with all the elves

16. Won't admit that he's wrong most of the time

17. Most wannabe thug of all time yet he is just a gnome

18. Lives in a very nice gingerbread house with two parents that love him dearly

19. Complains about having to do things that he signed up to build

20. Owes me 3 and a half sugar cookies

21. Makes you set up mid snowball fights BEGS you to play them